I think my son might have swine flu.   I have heard that it is no longer recommended to give him Tamiflu so I have a look online to see what I should do next.  So I enter a Kafkaesque world, which feels more like something out of 1984 than the Britain I have come to know and love.  I am directed to a website where I complete an online assessment - the first question wants to know where we live.  Why should I provide that info first?  Surely that should come last, if at all?  Putting in fake location information as our address is NOYB, I find out that he may have it and I am now authorised to get Tamiflu.  There is no advice on what to do instead of using Tamiflu.

So now I look elsewhere on the web, trying to find advice on how to deal with swine flu without using Tamiflu.  Instead I find lots of information about the side effects of Tamiflu but the best advice comes from a mum in Mumsnet - bed rest and Calpol, monitoring them to see if they get worse.  Why couldn't there be some 'official advice' saying this.

Eventually I ring the helpline and there is just a recorded message.  I notice that there is another telephone number for the 'treatment' line so I ring that instead and there is another long recorded message.  I hang up when the disembodied voice tells me that I might be prosecuted for misuse of the system.  Where's a doctor on the end of the phone when you need one?   I can't help but wonder how capital = money infected the process for dealing with this epidemic...

My son tells me that icecream helps a lot too...